i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize