O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
