who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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