at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
