I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
