Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
