Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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