There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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