I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
