I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
