shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
