Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
