Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Boobs are out for the taking
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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