While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize