I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
a search helicopter?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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