Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
