My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
