I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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