If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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