is your mom at the bar?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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