what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
