im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
