Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
