pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
