I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
