And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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