Sponge bath it is.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
