I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
