o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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