At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
