so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
