Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
