i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
