He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
