Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
