He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
