So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
