when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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