i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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