Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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