It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
