Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
