He uses pillows to masturbate.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM VODKA MAN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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