Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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