I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
