I cockslap morals
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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