So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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