i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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