Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
