3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
