my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
