I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As shirtless as possible
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
