I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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