I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
