i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
