I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
