note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
