she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
