hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
