mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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