I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
