im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just threw up on my dentist
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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