looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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