Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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