woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we're making bets on your personal life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
