Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
