I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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