We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
