i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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