community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
