Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
