just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
