I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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