I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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